friday letters

 

dear kc hospice house; each month, since july i come back and deliver goodies.  praying that those families and friends with loved ones there, find some comfort by the food delivered.  you are a place that will always be important to me.  your staff, volunteers there are no words for the goodness that is this place. 

dear panera: thank you for filling in when i was running out of time.

dear boys:  so proud of you.  end of first quarter and both of you received excellent grades and great things were said by your teachers. Could.Not.Be. Prouder of either of you.

dear work:  wow .…the next few months could be interesting.  thanks for the excitement.

dear feet:  tomorrow you are running 13.1 miles…please don’t fail me.

dear fall:  have i said this already…i love you.  your colors are awesome.

dear decaf:  i think i’m getting used to you but wondering how long it will last.

Day 7

on Day 7 of Dad’s admittance to Kansas City Hospice House, he left his earthly body and entered Heaven’s gates.

for the most part i believe it to be a blessing, a gift that i was with him as he transitioned from his earthly home to his eternal home.

i am grateful, that i was able to be with him when he needed me.  he was always there for me…ALWAYS and when he needed me i was there for him.  what a gift that i will carry with me for the rest of my days.

everything within me hurts, today it’s like a dull pain but it is there. i’m craving my family and anxiously waiting their arrival as we gather to remember, to celebrate the man he was/is, the lessons he taught us, the memories…

i fear next week when the to do list is smaller, our family has left.  today they are distractions, they prevent me on focusing on the physical loss.

for now…a picture…one of my favorites.  i love his smile here…oh how he loved my boys, oh how lucky they were/are…what a legacy.

PTL

I haven’t updated on Dad in a long time.  To be honest, the road for him has been rough since January.  Short story:  In March they found cancer had entered his brain.  The physicians suggested they hit it with radiation.  They did 15 treatments and last week we got the results of the latest Xray.  The radiation had shrunk the tumor and the drs recommended one more extensive shot of radiation at the tumor in hopes of at a minimum of keeping it from growing.  As result, he had a MRI and CAT scan this week and the dr called yesterday with incredible news, that the more extensive diagnostic tools find no evidence of the tumor.  Seriously…Praise the Lord.  They’ll do another MRI in 8 weeks.

update: Dad

Dad had his 3 month followup CT scan last week and visit with his Dr. on Monday.  The CT showed great news, nothing new and the original mass continues to shrink. 

Dad is taking Tarceva, which is a daily chemo drug that he takes via a pill. At this point, the Tarceva is a maintenance drug and he will be taking it indefinitely.  Dad has had some issues/side affects with this medicine…severe dry skin, skin breakouts and rashes, tiredness (is that a word?) and decreased appetite.  Yet he seems to be adjusting to the med and the side affects are becoming less and less.

He did have a consult with a surgeon about a month and 1/2 ago.  He strongly recommended not doing any surgery.  Dad is doing so well with his current protocol and the surgery that would be required is somewhat experimental with not enough data to show any value of doing in regards to my Dad’s case.

So, he continues with the same protocol and will have another scan in 3 months. 

REMISSION

i’m not sure why it’s taken so long to get this post together and put up…however, friday we found out that dad is in remission.

here it is, almost a week later and i’m still smiling.

²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you

Exodus 23:25

update on dad

I haven’t written much about my Dad lately and how he is doing with his battle against cancer. I can’t believe that we have passed the 6 month mark as to when we found out.

As I write this it’s important to note that these are my thoughts and feelings and while I’m part of Dad’s support system, I’m not the one who is physically fighting the beast that starts with a ‘C.’

Dad has completed his first round of treatment. His first round included radiation treatment as well as chemotherapy. At roughly the 2/3 mark of his treatment, he took a break from the treatment and had a repeat CAT scan (CAT #2.) End result was that that tumor was shrinking and there was strong evidence that the BIG C was responding to the treatments. He completed his radiation treatments (about 10 more after the first break) and chemo (3 more after break) and took another break and a CAT scan was
repeated. The second scan showed some additional reduction, specifically in the lymph nodes but not much change in the tumor from the last scan. Are you with me so far? Dad will have a PET scan on 8/8 which will tell the DRs how much of the tumor is active cancer. At this point, Dad has exhausted his radiation options. In terms of next steps, from an oncology perspective we are waiting on that PET scan.

I feel positive about the progress that dad has made in the last 6 months. I have to be honest though, after the last appointments (after the 3rd cat scan) we were hoping to have more information and left feeling slightly discouraged.  His oncologist believes he is in a partial remission, but couldn’t commit to that until we see the results of
the pet scan.

Every day my dad truly amazes me. He is still the primary caregiver for my niece and nephew. He continues to take care of his household doing the grocery shopping, bill paying and he was released to go back to work part time. I’ve never seen him complain or be negative. 

So we anxiously and prayerfully wait…his next dr appt is 8/16 when we will get the results of the PET scan.  Hopefully I get the best birthday present ever…

round 1 completed

today my dad completed his first round of treatment.  his last chemo treatment was last monday and his last radiation treatment was today.  5 weeks ago, it felt like this day would never come.  overall, my dad has done remarkable.  don't get me wrong, he has had his ups and downs, but he's been able to maintain his weight, has had little side affects (ie. nausea) and has continued in most of his daily activities.

so now he has about 3 weeks off.  a repeat cat scan will be done on 5/10 that will give the physicians the evidence/data to determine how the tumor has been affected by the treatment and determine next steps.  both physicians are planning for more treatment, so we are all aware that he is not done, unless of course the cat scan shows something different.  :)

amongst all this, we celebrated dad's 60th birthday this weekend.  it was a great evening and with so much to celebrate.

for those of you praying, thanks so much.  your prayers are felt amongst us all.

cancer sucks

My dad has cancer. I have known for a month and ½. I’ve debated for awhile whether I should blog this or not, but this is my life. Life is not only full of immense beauty it’s full of pain and this blog should represent the good and the bad because that is my story, that is life.

I don’t intend to always speak of cancer and what my dad is going through, but I have to be honest. My life feels as though it’s consumed with cancer. The last prayer at night is for my dad and my first thought is about my dad.

I hate that I’m not a writer. My writing will never adequately address the thoughts in my head or in my heart and it’s even more difficult when they both feel like a big jumbled mess.

In the month and 1/ 2 that I’ve known about his cancer, this is what I’ve learned:

My dad is fighter

It’s difficult to tell people bad news

YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN MEDICAL ADVOCATE.

Waiting is difficult

Seeing someone you love suffer is at times unbearable

Prayer has become simple. Dear God, please help him.

I wish I would have started asking for my dad’s stories before now

Even in his suffering, my dad continues to think of others first

Cancer sucks (ok, already knew that…just saying)