Old Soul

Mac is my first born and I call him my old soul. Mac was 2 weeks overdue and you can only imagine how ecstatic I was when the doctor said be at the hospital by 5:00 pm tonight and we'll get this party started. (yeah, he didn't say it quite like that but that's how I felt) After noticing some complications with both Mac and I, the doctor's decided it was necessary to do an emergency c-section. Luckily everything moved so fast that Jay and I really didn't have much time to think about what was going on and how it was kind of scary.


Well Big Mac arrived, weighing in at 9lbs and 15 ounces and changed our lives forever. He is the epitome of a first born child. He is serious, determined and driven. Sometime he seems so adult like, that it kind of makes me sad...I feel like maybe he is missing out on being a "kid" but he is who he is. He loves Sports. His love for Sports helped us potty train him in record time. He had found a batting helmet at Target, it was Mother's day weekend, and we agreed to get him the helmet, if he started wearing big boy pants and kept them dry for 3 days in a row. He had the batting helmet by Wednesday. He's already started talking about where he wants to go to college. He is planning on playing a sport in college so I hope his dream becomes a reality. I know that is a difficult goal to see to fruition. He is the best big brother. Seriously. He is Mac.


We have been nothing but blessed since the day he came to us and I'm so thankful God chose me to be his mom.

Cleaning

Do you think it's normal to love cleaning supplies? On a recent retail therapy session, I leisurely strolled through the aisles of Target. I had no children with me, it was early in the morning and there was no one in there. I treated myself to a Starbuck Carmel Marachiato (or whatever, hopefully you know what I mean). I came to cleaning supplies and finally decided to try the Method cleaners. Honestly for years, I've wanted to try these cleaning products but they just seemed a little pricey. Well, on this visit I took the plunge and oh my goodness can you say I love you Method! It smells so good and makes me feel good that I'm not putting harmful chemicals in my household.

Things that make you go hmmm...

Charlie goes to a Catholic pre school and this is week is Catholic Schools week. For student appreciation day, Charlie was given a Rosary. On the way home, he was wearing it and checking it out when he proclaims from the back seat....

"OH NO! Jesus isn't wearing any underwear. That's gross!"

Never in a million years did I think I would have a discussion about Jesus and His undergarments or lack thereof.

Today

Today was one of "those days." I picked the boys up after school and we decided to treat ourselves to a little Starbucks. I had a Latte, the boys had kiddie hot chocolates and we indulged in 1 red velvet cupcake (which was our first experience with red velvet and can I just say delicious) and 1 double chocolate cupcake, to share amongst the 3 of us. We discussed our day listened to the jazz selection being played and watched the snow falling out the window. It brought just a little sunshine to my heart.

Thank you God, for giving me this moment to reflect, to appreciate, to savor.

Peace

Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and to my surprise it came back positive. You see, for quite awhile it has felt like our family is complete. I feel incredibly blessed to have the two healthy boys that I do. For whatever reason, we had a very difficult time getting pregnant with Charlie in fact it took us over 3 years. During that time, I can remember that feeling as though our family just wasn't complete. I can't explain it, but it was a feeling that often made me irrational and I'm sure crazy to live with. Since Charlie has joined our family, I haven't had that feeling and in fact I have felt a peace that this is our family, and while I love babies, love being pregnant that we were moving on from that part of our lives and both the hubster and I were on the same page.



So you can imagine our surprise when the test came back positive. I took it on a Thursday night and was so overwhelmed that I didn't fall asleep until after 4 in the morning. I scheduled my first doctor's appointment for the 26th. We told our parents and the boys. For the next two weeks, my heart was anxious and I seeked God in prayer begging to find peace, to calm my mind as it was racing with all the what ifs. I can say I was scared, petrified might be a more accurate word.



An hour before my scheduled appointment, I started to lose the baby. The Doctor and staff were so gentle and tried to offer hope that what was happening may be ok. They took blood for testing and sent me to get ultrasounds. In the end both confirmed that the pregnancy was ending. In the first few moments, of course I asked WHY? Why are we going through this? Why did I get pregnant just to lose it? Why send us on this roller coaster? Of course I may never know but I am searching for what I can take away from this. The pain is real and so very very sad and overwhelming. It's the loss of what could have been. Even in that short time frame we were imaging our life with this new little one, imagining meeting them on delivery day, making mental notes as to what would need to be done before he/she arrived. Now that is no more and Why?



Dear God, please give us peace. Please heal our heart and help us to explain this as best we can to our boys. Please help us to be good role models in how to handle our grief but to be strong and put our faith in your plan for us.

Words of Wisdom

Sometimes I get a little annoyed by the email that comes to you with a little diddy and then tells you to send it to x number of people so you don’t have bad luck or you find out who all your friends are. Every once in while there’s a good one out there and I thought the message below was a good one to remember…
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late.

How high can you go?

This is my life...My house is really a gym. Our toy box is filled with basketballs, footballs and baseballs and I'm not talking about the Nerf brand. I took shot after shot of this yesterday and I still don't think I got what the hubster was looking for. That's the oldest, Big Mac, obviously working on his vertical. I think he's at 17 1/2 inches, but i will have to confirm that. Not bad for a 3rd grader. :)

What's in a name?

So in case you wonder where the name for this little blog came from it's kind of an inside joke between the hubster and I. You see we ofen refer to our current state of our life as being in 'survival mode.' Our family consists of two full time working parents, 2 active boys, 2 rowdy dogs (one of the craziest things we've ever done) and there are moments when it feels as though we are living in survival mode...doing whatever it takes to get through the moment or the day. I can't speak for the hubster, but luckily that feeling doesn't last more than a day for me. So this is survival mode...and it is beautiful.

Test

So am I doing this? Am I jumping into the blogging world? Maybe will see. I have no idea what this blog will become. My mind feels like it is alway racing at a 100 miles an hour, constantly evaluating who I am, who I want to be, what i want to learn, what i want to experience while balancing my job, and my roles as a parent and wife. You see it is a fine line but if anything, I want to focus on living life to the fullest, (i know very cliche) savoring the moments and the details of this blessing God has given me, called my life.